Wrestling With Restlessness

Posted: August 15, 2010 in The Roper Files


Woke up this morning early; way too early. Toss and turn in my bed, then open one eye slowly and peek at the alarm clock. Four o’clock? This is what time I have to get up during the week. This is the weekend; I should be sleeping late. Try to go back to sleep but it’s no use; I’m awake.

 Shut my eyes and nuzzle my face into the pillow. Lay there a few moments; look at the clock again. Four-thirty? Realize I need to go to the bathroom; get up and take care of that. Crawl back into bed. Shut my eyes. My legs hurt. My sinuses are acting up again. Cough up a mouth-full of snotty drainage; ugh! Get up and spit it into the toilet and then finally realize I’m not going back to sleep.

 Dammit….walk into the kitchen and start to fix some coffee. Put some beans into the grinder; then I pick up the grinder and whoops….it starts to fall out of my hands. Try to catch it and then feel something painful. I’ve caught my finger on some sharp edge. I have three cuts on the end of my ring finger on my right hand which begin to painfully bubble blood. What the hell?….

 Stick my hand under the faucet and wash the cuts. How the hell did I do that; it’s a plastic coffee grinder. Regardless I walk to the bathroom and dig out a tube of antiseptic cream and some band-aids.

Only I could cut myself on a piece of plastic; what a klutz. Smear antiseptic cream into the still-bleeding cuts, rip off a piece of toilet paper and fold it into a tiny square. Wrap it around the finger and apply a band-aid.

Walk back into the kitchen; ground coffee is all over the counter. Get a business card and rake it into a pile, then carefully transfer it into the filter basket. Put the filter basket into place and start the coffee.
There! Don’t think making coffee has ever been such a painful chore.

 The cat appears outside the door; meow…scoop some food into a dish for her and put it out on the porch. Walk out to the front yard; it is still dark outside and my eyes strain to see in the dim light.

Mowed the yard last night; not that it really needed it but because of the extreme heat lately the yard was full of dead leaves. Just easier to grind them up with the mower than to rake them up. My lawn is half-green, half-yellow; but it’s mowed at least. The paper guy comes barreling around the corner and tosses the paper into my yard. Walk over and pick it up as I watch his tail lights fade down the street.

 Look at my house and my street. Fixing to get on a jet and leave here for two weeks; seems surreal to even think about. Spent the day yesterday buying a few odds and ends to take with me, but as the days count down to my actual departure date I’m still having trouble fathoming that I’m really doing this.

Going four thousand miles away. Trying to imagine myself sitting on a jet for four and a half hours; that’s a long time for me to sit still anywhere. Hope I don’t go berserk on the jet; got three books to read; that should pacify me for a while.

 Walk back in and pour a cup of coffee; raise it to my lips and sip. Ah… That’s good but I really want to go back to sleep; it’s still too early to be up. Damn this restlessness; robbing me of my sleep. This isn’t right; not at all. Start to swoon when I think about being 4000 miles away a week from now; it still seems unreal.

But that’s okay; maybe I can get some sleep tonight….


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