Quality Time

Posted: March 9, 2010 in The Roper Files
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Ten hours plus on my feet; my legs hurt from the knee down. Dinner was eaten but an inconvenience at best; there was something else I wanted to do much worse. Up and off my throbbing feet. The futon awaits. Telephone and television remote are placed within easy reach; my glasses are placed next to them. Fall asleep to the sound of police cruisers with screaming sirens and screeching tires coming out of my television. So tired not even a police pursuit can glue my eyes to the screen.

 After a few hours I awake. I might have actually gotten in a few hours of sleep but my back isn’t buying it. Get up, turn off the television and make my way to the bedroom. Undress and slip into the sheets like a hand into an old glove. Like a foot into an old comfortable shoe. The sheets are so cold, they feel almost wet. Pump my legs as if I am riding a bicycle in an effort to warm up the bed.

 Nuzzle a cheek into a pillow and I can still smell the laundry soap in the pillowcase. My left knee hurts; in fact my legs and feet are hurting. Ought to take something but I don’t want to get out of bed. Don’t like the thought of my feet touching that cold wooden floor; it’s easier to go to sleep in pain.

 Snuggle into the sheets and pillows; this is my sanctuary. The room is dark and quiet; I like it this way. The doors are locked; I have a pistol within reach. I am safe here; no one can hurt me.

Exhale and try to relax; the wretches who make my life miserable have been rendered powerless by their absence. Demon commuters and the various sub-management lackeys and toadies at work can’t touch me here, except in my nightmares.

 My subconscious tends to go nuts when I dream. It makes me re-visit places I used to live, moves me back in with old room-mates and re-unites me with old lovers. Sometimes I wake up in a sweat, then realize Everything’s Okay; I’m not really back at where-ever etc. But tonight I am so dog tired I am willing to take that risk.

 As the bed warms up I begin to Feel At Home; I have found my Comfort Zone. Even though I am physically exhausted sleep doesn’t happen immediately. I can hear cars driving by, my neighbors pulling up and slamming their car doors and minutes drops of rain-water hitting the awnings over my windows. The thought of driving to work in the rain tomorrow morning makes me want to sleep even worse. Close my eyes so tight, my eyelids hurt. Exhale; try to relax and let go so sleep will happen.

This is My Time, holy time, sacred time. It’s okay to relax. It’s okay to sleep; it’s okay to dream. This is true Quality Time.

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