Burnout

Posted: August 13, 2009 in The Roper Files

August10th 2009

The alarm rings. Get up, fix coffee, make a sandwich for lunch.

Drive down the highway exchanging middle fingers with the same morons every morning.

Report to work, knock out ten hours, go home, eat and go to sleep.

 

 I do this every day.

 

 No variation. No difference. Not the slightest bit of diversity in my routine.

It ain’t easy being me.

 

 Well the time has come for a little cage-rattling. This mundane day to day existence is killing me.

 

In the very near future I am getting on a plane and taking my very first ever international flight.

 When I return I hope to be energized; I know I am going to have some beautiful photos and some more material for this blog. And it’s just now getting real to me as the big day draws closer.

 

 Every afternoon for the last week I have come home after work exhausted. Usually I shower and then head straight for the futon. Then I nap until about nine or so, get up and eat and then… it’s time to go to sleep again. I lay in bed and start thinking about this trip. Next thing I know I’m up just a few hours before I know that alarm clock goes off thinking about all the thousand and one little things that need to be done.

 

 Got to keep my head together here but that is so much easier said than done. Had a minor panic attack yesterday; temporarily lost my drivers license. I found it later after thinking about it; I DID spill the contents of my wallet the other day while sitting at a drive-through. After looking carefully inside I found it in a crevice of my bucket seat. Whew! It was such a relief knowing I wouldn’t have to go stand in line at the drivers license office the next day. But that’s just how even little things can set me off and another reminder I need some time off, and also to relax and take it easy.

 Leaving my Fortress Of Solitude. This thought gang-rapes my mind. Never left the country before.

It’s been five years since I’ve gotten on a jet and flown away from here. Five years since I’ve watched the sun set over the ocean. Five years since I’ve sat on a beach and stared at the ocean.

 I went to work this morning in a good mood for the first time in years. Everybody probably thought I was on drugs. Despite a lack of sleep I feel good.

Not really nuts about flying; it scares the shit out of me to be honest.

 

But I’m looking forward to this trip

I need this.

I need this worse than oxygen or food.

Got to get up and work tomorrow, but I don’t mind.

I don’t mind at all; it’s all over-time anyway.

 Going to do it standing on my head.

 

 

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