I Got A Valentine This Year

Posted: February 14, 2009 in The Roper Files
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Really, really dread looking in the mailbox. More often than not when I roll up from ten hours on my feet at work and nervously open the box with sliced, diced and otherwise wounded fingers it’s full of bills that total either the exact amount I have in my wallet, whatever I earned that day or both.
An envelope full of anthrax would almost be preferable to almost any of the utility bills.
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But this week I got a special envelope with a butterfly on the front; it’s a valentine! Haven’t gotten one of these in years; gotta confess I got a little choked up.
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I’ve had a long lonely life; a ray of hope, any little glimmer will do to help get me through the week. After many hopeless years there’s some good news at the end of the tunnel; nice to know it’s still possible. And I’ve got to admit I’m a bit stunned, caught off-guard, surprised or even a tad shocked.

Someone’s interested in me; what’s their angle? This has got to be a con.
I told her I wasn’t rich but she calls me back anyways.
We don’t always see eye-to-eye but we can talk about it. Boy do we talk.
Hours on the phone; my precious left ear resembles a cauliflower and is extremely sensitive to the touch. She’s gotten to know me in a way that most people don’t.

I’m a very secretive individual; don’t really have a lot of friends anymore. Most of my friends had the good sense to leave this bummer burg I live in but I was the dumb-ass who stayed behind. More than a little bit of a shut-in; the few friends I do have constantly harangue me about getting out of the house more often. But on those rare occasions I do turn off the computer, the stereo and the TV and leave my place I am frequently overcome with a feeling of complete and overwhelming alienation.

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Never really have had any sense of direction in my life; always seem to be just floating through it. I sit around and think about it all and try to analyze it and make some kind of sense out of it all to no avail. Maybe that’s part of my problem; maybe I spend too much time thinking about it. Maybe the secret to happiness is to not spend time thinking about it or worrying about it at all….

But now I’ve met someone who is smart enough to look through the facades and phony exteriors I put up around me. She sees through my writing and knows that I spread the bullshit on thick; I’m not really perhaps the gruff grouchy guy I make myself out to be. Life just makes me come off that way.
I’ve got a light side; I just don’t let on to it. If I post a photo of my computer desk with a pistol next to the keypad, people freak.

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Would they react that same way if I posted a photo of myself feeding a stray kitten? I doubt it. But She is intelligent enough to have figured out that the File23 Brian and the real Brian are indeed two very different people indeed.

So for the first time in years I am enjoying this Valentines Day; I usually dread them. Sitting here drinking a delicious cup of Tim Hortons coffee that “K” sent me from where she lives and listening to John Coltrane’s cover of “My Favorite Things” What a nice day.
There are times when life sucks shit through a straw but this morning I am sitting here looking at this Valentine card and wiping a tear from my eye and have never been so happy to do so.

I love you “K”

And Happy Valentines Day to the rest of you too.
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