The Unedited Bush Farewell Speech

Posted: January 20, 2009 in The Roper Files
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My fellow Americans


You’re the biggest bunch of dupes on this planet; you really are. For the last eight years Dick Cheney and I have padded our financial portfolios and that of our campaign contributors.


We were attacked on September 11 by a group of Saudis, Egyptians and Lebanese men armed only with box cutters who used them to slash through our most-expensive-in-the-world security.


Using that as a flimsy excuse I then launched a war based on bullshit intelligence from a known bullshit source and against the advice of well, just about everyone against a country that had nothing to do with it. We should have had every dime of our financial assets seized and been thrown in prison, but you morons actually re-elected us. That’s when we went really nuts.


We have lined the pockets of everyone who stood behind us and emptied the pockets of the rest of you.

We’ve bailed out billionaires who didn’t need the money with your money.

We took an oath to uphold the law and re-wrote the Constitution, the Bill Of Rights and the Geneva Convention to suit our personal agendas.

We ignored you and your needs for eight years while we became fatter and richer.

We spied on you, listened to your phone calls, and opened and read your mail.

We turned the southern half of America into a Third World slum because we don’t care about your jobs or our sovereignty, or your standard of living; we want cheap labor. Bone up on your Espanol assholes!



And you idiots did nothing about it. And just in case you decided to I wrote a law saying I could seize the assets of war protesters. In exchange for one-third of your income (and what’s left of your retirement plans) I can have your door kicked in and have you hauled off to one of our many brand new shiny corporate Gulags. All for your own security of course.

Now I’ve left behind a nation in the red for generations to come, a multi-front war that will NEVER end and the worst economy in eighty years.

Mission Accomplished






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