GOD HELP ME

Posted: January 15, 2008 in The Roper Files

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Lord deliver me from these evils… 

FM radio that plays the same fifteen songs over and over all day every day. 

Having to watch my bosses favorite employees stand around and talk while I get chewed out for getting a cup of coffee between breaks.

 Being handed a sheet of unfunny jokes and someone expecting me to laugh at them. Being sent un-funny YouTube videos and being expected to watch (and laugh) at them.

Traitorous phone service providers who give your number out to telemarketers.

Gas companies that raise their rates every winter.

Electric companies that raise their rates every summer.

Cable tv that’s been showing MODERN PROBLEMS non-stop since 1981

Newspapers with sports on the front page.

The cops on the highway waiting for me to come 10 mph over the speed limit after work.

My neighbors dogs that bark 24-7

The kid across the street sitting in his lowrider smoking a blunt and broadcasting 500-watt gangsta rap for the neighborhoods entertainment.

The asshole at work that pees all over the toilet seat and doesn’t flush.

The schmuck in the Hummer that cuts me off on the freeway.

The snitchbitch at work that repeats everything he hears to the boss.

Another mailbox full of bills.

Car trouble on weekends when the mechanic is closed.

Realizing I’m out of milk at 5 in the morning.

Vanquish these things for they have created a blight on our land.

amen

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