Sitting by myself in a restaurant tonight. A couple come in and sit across the room from me. The girl is really pretty: brunette, nice body, cute face and wearing glasses. Her boyfriend however looked like he weighed somewhere in the neighborhood of 200+ lbs and he also looked a lot like Toby from AMERICAN SPLENDOR. ( No offense to Toby )
Jeez; how does a guy like that get a girl like her? Who am I, the Elephant Man? Am I that goddam ugly? Depression moves in and lowers its ass on my head. I eat as quickly as possible. Over-tip the waitress with a flourish and bolt for the door. Go outside where it’s dark and walk down the sidewalk to where I’m parked. Pad down the sidewalk in silence.
I’m walking down the sidewalk next to one of the busiest streets in town. The boulevard is a noisy place; honking, screeching, roaring. Cars full of people zoom by. I’m surrounded by numbers but I’m by myself as always. Single. Solitary. Solo.
Back to my place. The silence is killing me; I want to break something if only just to end it for a few seconds. But I don’t; I just sit and listen to the silence instead. Sleep is so welcome. An escape, a diversion from reality. Sleep… precious sleep.