The Paper’s Dyin’ …Who’s Got the Will?

Posted: November 1, 2007 in The Roper Files

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PLOP! Pre-dawn. Laying in bed, cozy and warm. I hear the paper land in the front yard; must be 4am. Yawn. Drag my ass out of bed. Dang, it’s freezing. Shouldn’t have to do this. Get dressed, walk to my side door and open it. The cats are all lined up. I feed them, and then walk around to the front of the house and get the paper. Unfold it just to see the headlines for yesterdays news. If I want current news, there’s always the Internet. 

Why do I still take this thing? The coupons in the Sunday paper are about the most valuable thing in it. Lotto numbers (wrong ones again, dammit!) and that’s about it. I don’t even read the comics anymore. When I was a kid that was the first thing I looked for. Nowadays I don’t even recognize half of them. I hear Stewie Griffins voice in my head when I read The Lockhorns or BC now. Otherwise it’s pretty pointless.

My local paper has just adopted a USA Today look I utterly hate and despise. And as if they haven’t dumbed it down enough with all the latest dirt on J-LO, K-Fed and Brittney Spears (like this crap is news) they’ve even started running side-by-side photos like Highlights or The Weekly Reader. You know, they take a picture, doctor it up with PhotoWhiz or whatever. Can you spot the difference? Am I taking five minutes of my time to do so? Don’t think so.  I’m surprised they haven’t added “Goofus and Gallant”  

And you guys wonder why your circulation is down?  Here’s a new word to add to your vocabulary: CONTENT!  Everyday the same old non-news. I couldn’t care less about Linsey Lohan or last nights American Idol, but they report on reality shows like its real news. Blackwater shoots up another family attempting to leave Iraq; we get the latest on Dancing With the Stars instead. And everything is so sanitized; Lord help us all if someone is offended. Everything is so politically correct it’s painful to read.

Keep telling myself to trim $16.00 bucks a month from the budget and drop this thing altogether. Another bad habit draining my finances. Why, just think of all the things I could buy with that $16 a month. Sigh… guess I’m just a sentimental old fool. The paper on the front lawn is just another familiar sight in an increasingly stranger world. Another part of my past I’m reluctant to let go of. Wish it took me longer than 10 minutes to read it though.

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