A – CARVING ME WE GO by Brian Roper

Posted: June 25, 2007 in The Roper Files

Just got back from the big Medical Center conviently located just up the street; driven past this place daily for years. First time I’ve ever parked there and actually went inside. I done talked to a real-life surgeon who examined me and said oh yeah, you got yourself a hernia alright. Haven’t set a date yet, but I’m going under the knife. Oh boy! 

All he’s really going to do is make about a two-inch cut in me. Everyone has been telling me these are routine operations; don’t worry. OK. I won’t.Take a deep breath. Relax. Think of rolling ocean waves. Think of purple clouds against a crimson sunset. Think of a white owl gliding above a …aw, screw this! 

 I’m not nuts about this but I gotta be a big boy, chin up and all that. Buck up. Besides, the doctor explained that these things don’t get better by themselves. Going to have to deal with it. Ignoring it could land me in the ER; been there. Done that. No thanks.

Compounding my stress levels are a worm/caterpillar invasion of biblical proportions here at the File 23 Central Command Post. . They’re tiny; maybe an inch. They spin huge webs in the upper limbs. Driving down the street, I can see every tree in my neighborhood is infested with them.  They are all over my place and no matter how much toxic shit I spray around the house they just seem to get worse. They wiggle in the house through the cracks around the doors and windows. It’s gotten so bad I’ve been pouring Lysol into the toilet and started flinging them in there. I’ve emptied two cans of insecticide. Then I borrowed a sprayer. Soaked the outside of the house and managed to slow them down. Then it starts raining and now they’re forecasting rain for the rest of the week. No use spraying now. This is really starting to piss me off. I remember a time when the city would spray the trees for these kinds of things. No doubt this is a budget cut due to the war.

My father owns a small five-acre piece of land south of Fort Worth. The last two times I’ve seen him he’s complained at length to me about the condition of the roads down in Johnson County. I tried to explain to him that things like the infrastructure (roads, bridges etc.) suffer because of the money our government spends on defense, but he didn’t want to hear it. So I sit here and wait for medical treatment here in Maggot Manor. Hope something doesn’t bust in the meantime. Yep, it’s a Monday alright.BR


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