OUR KAMPF ( In a Bush/Cheney economy) by Cranky The Clown

Posted: July 29, 2006 in CRANKY the CLOWN

Cranky(EDITORS NOTE: Once outside temperatures hit a hundred here at the air-conditioned File23 compound, there’s been no sign of Cranky. He leaves an occasional note promising a new column in exchange for a case of MD 20-20, but hasn’t delivered since Memorial Day despite our leaving his rotgut on the back porch. In fact, once the summer heat arrived, we only leave when we have to and so frankly Crankys’ wine hasn’t been much of a priority. He obviously took the hint and we found a rolled-up tablet sheet in a empty bottle on our doorstep recently along with a request for more wine and some spare change. After intense scrutiny by File23 technicians, it was determined the mis-spellings and phrasings were consistant with past correspondence from Cranky, so without further ado here’s Cranky!) 

Greetins cretins! What a summer it’s been! The screws are tightening…everywhere I go I see people being systematically pulled over. They haven’t bent us over the gas pumps far enough; now it’s red light cameras and speed-traps or “sobriety checkpoints” Where did all these cops come from all of a sudden? Feel safer when you’re broke seems to be the philosophy at work here.

Love the bills all going up. Companies that own each other raising their rates and then blaming each other. The gas company blames rising electrical rates; the electric company blames rising gas costs. How stupid do they think we are? Some of us were afraid to look in the mailbox a long time before the Anthrax scare.

Monopoly, anyone?

The economy’s in a definite slump; everyone’s staying home instead of taking regular vacations. Gas costs too much. Flying is a pain in the ass. Mass transit in this country would try anybodys patience. The air outside here in Texas smells like an ashtray. Oh, and speaking of things that stink…

Ann Coulter sure did put her foot in her mouth with those remarks about the 9/11 widows. I’d nominate that for the Reverend Phelps Scrubbing-The-Bottom-Of-The-Septic-Tank-With-Your-Stomach Award for 2006. Haven’t noticed her doing any book signings. Could she be afraid of one of those 9/11 widows showing up and giving her the well-placed kick in the c— she so royally deserves with a steel-toed Prada? Jane Fonda gets off easier; they only spit on her.

Bush and Cheney seem to have gone into Hitler-in-the-bunker mode, only coming out for photo-ops and well-paid speeches for their pre-screened audiences and repeating the usual blather about pressing on and finishing the job, whatever that is. I love Bush. Really, I do.

I love the way he tells us he doesn’t care what the polls say about Iraq, or immigration; it’s somebody else’s problem. The decider. Right. What a president.

And Cheney…tilting his head to the right when he lies and giving the cameras that delightfully photogenic bulldog snarl before retiring to his Scrooge McDuck money vault.

Hope all of you who voted for the Oil Patch Kids are happy with your $3 a gallon gas, a record deficit and a never-ending War On Everything, which seems to include you and me just a little bit more with each passing day.

WAKE UP EVERYBODY! Put down those g—– cell-phones and those f—— IPods and look at what’s happened here. Everything Eisenhower tried to warn us about has happened; am I the only person left who gives a shit? This isn’t about Republicans or Democrats; they both have the same corporate sponsors and they both vote the same way on everything. Neither one of them are our friends and the sooner everyone realizes it, we’ll have a chance at true democracy for a change. The system ain’t just broke; it’s digging a mass grave right in front of our eyes. Vote for independents until 2008 and then vote Cranky!

And for Gods’ sake Just Say Nein to Arnold!

Cranky The Clown

File23 Political Analyst

July 29, 2006


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