Posted: February 19, 2006 in CRANKY the CLOWN

crankers2005.gifCRANKY THE CLOWN FEBRUARY 2006 (EDITORS NOTE: Cranky’s been out of contact for a couple of months, but we recently heard a knock on the door here at the file 23 Central Command Post. When we un-barred and opened the door, we found the following document rolled up in a MD 20-20 bottle and a few size 60 footprints in the snow.

We slammed the door shut against the bitter elements of the fierce Texas winter and immediately had the following transcribed from the original crayon and analyzed by our File23 technicians who found the mis-spellings and phrasings consistant with past correspondences. So without further to-do are more deep thoughts from our very own Cranky the Clown! )

Everyone sing along with me: “Dead-eye Dick Cheney, Fascist Gun In the West!”

Yee-haw! Greetins cretins, Cranky the Clown here to spread my own special brand of cheer. And what a week it’s been.

Another smoke-and mirrors week of don’t look at our f***-ups, look at our WACKY multi-millionaire Vice-President instead, you know the guy who shot a 78-year old man in the face.

And just WHERE were the Secret Service?

You remember them; the guys who are supposed to keep someone from sneaking up behind the vice-president carrying oh I don’t know, let’s say a shotgun for example.

But hey, you gotta admit it’s been a great distraction.

It got the cameras off Cindy Sheehan for a week didn’t it?

Or the ever-growing body-count in Iraq. Or the fact they let the 9/11 perpetrators get away and are still threatening us. Or the fact they’ve drained a record treasury surplus for a totally pointless war. Or the Enron scandal. Or Tom DeLay. Or the Plume leak. Or Cheneys’ Halliburton connections and the no-bid contracts. Or Bush business ties to the Bin Ladin family. Or the on-going bumbling of the Katrina/Rita response. Or talking straight through their assholes about National Security while our borders look like the Boston Marathon 24/7.

I think the White House spin doctors are the best in the business; they could sell the American Public on New Coke if they tried hard enough.

And I think they have in a way. New World Order Lite, if you will.

On another note, here’s one to file under “I was the last to know” and that’s Bushs’ latest statement about America being “addicted to oil”. And he’s right for once.

Everytime I fill up the CrankyMobile, I feel the needle sliding into my arm when I slip the nozzle into the fuel tank. When I pre-pay, I’ve pulled back the plunger. See the blood mixing in the oil? Push the plunger in…oh God. That rush. My legs turn into rubber. Can’t walk… must drive instead… On another note, there’s a certain little phrase I’ve been overhearing way too much lately.

Next time you hear someone say immigrants take jobs Americans don’t want, punch them in the face for Cranky and tell them to finish the damn sentence. They should say jobs we don’t want without benefits.

Jobs we don’t want for minimum wage. But don’t insult Americas’ alleged intelligence with the first half of that sentence, please!

And it looks to me like something like World War III could very well start out as a Christians vs Islam/Muslim riot-turned-war, and just because of some damn cartoon most people weren’t even laughing at.

Good thing they don’t watch South Park, huh?

Vote Cranky 2008 and Just Say Nein to Arnold!



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