Eminent Domain? You Ain’t Seen NOTHIN’ Yet! by Brian Roper

Posted: January 18, 2006 in The Roper Files

See the buzzards circling overhead? They’re coming to get you…

They want to eat your flesh and drink your blood. And then squeeze you out, another excremental generation of hungover drones fit only for their consumption.

There’s an invisible beast on the prowl in Louisiana. It has a twin brother here in my city, but this one’s bigger and meaner. The smell of death serves both as rejuvenator and aphrodisiac for this monster. It chases natural disasters like lawyers chase ambulances. Like kids chase the ice-cream van.

Tornados, floods, and earthquakes are this creatures’ birthplaces.

From the ruins of former neighborhoods it arises like the mighty phoenix.

Condos, casinos, hotels, theme parks and strip malls, all completely identical, are it’s footprints.

When President Bush said New Orleans will be re-built, I believe him.

I really do. Honest.

Oh, it will be re-built all right. And I’m sure life-long natives won’t recognize the place.
Of course all that low-income housing that got ruined in the flood will probably have to be bulldozed, but hey look, a new Harrahs!
And a new House Of Blues!

And a new Ballys.

And even a new WinStar. Yep, I’m sure when they get through, it’ll be a bright and shiny jewel.

And you poor people?

Well, we really kind of hoped you had found already financially-strapped relatives who had room to take you in since you had to go and NOT drown.

Have you ever tried to dynamite a levee during a hurricane?

It’s a real job, lemme tell you… We really hoped you would all kill each other in the SuperDome, and you couldn’t even do that much.

Well, we don’t want to hear your petty grumblings; besides, we’ve got a corporation- I mean a country to run, thank you.

Now remember: women on the Soylent Pink buses, men on the Soylent Green buses. And don’t make me have to tell you twice!

Sept ’05


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