Posted: November 11, 2005 in Best of file 23

Originally Posted on 11/12/2005
by Cranky the Clown

(EDITORS NOTE:) We last saw Cranky the Clown Thursday October 27 heading south on I-35 towards Austin to lead his Million Mutant March on the State Capitol. Despite lengthy attempts to contact Cranky from here at the file 23 Central Command Post via phone, e-mail etc. we lost all contact entirely and were this close to dispatching the file 23 Private Investigative Group Squad (PIGS) when Cranky, or someone claiming to be Cranky sent us an e-mail on a “borrowed” laptop.

Prolonged analysis by file 23 technicians has confirmed within a 95 percent margin of error that this is indeed consistant in phrasings and mis-spellings contained in past e-mails from our infamous clown. So without further ado, we the humble editors of File23 proudly give you Cranky The Clown!

OCTOBER 30: Greetins, cretins, where the Hell WERE you people?

My Million Mutant March was the biggest wash-out since Hurricane Katrina!

I was standing in the middle of Congress Avenue in my IMPEACH ‘EM ALL t-shirt (click the file 23 Store link, PLEASE, we’re dyin’ out here!) all by myself when the Keystone Kapitol Kops surrounded me from all sides. Producing a crudely-drawn police sketch of yours truly, the last thing I heard before the lights went out was: “Yep, that’s the guy!” When I came to, they had me in the cell where they keep the guys they call the regulars.

You know, the guys who will piss their own pants for a dollar to amuse the tourists. Or the guys you see pulling the choo-choo train of gallon milk jugs talking to themselves in front of the library. Those kind of guys. Despite their threats of community service and whatnot, they eventually let me go when they realized no one was going to come get me and they were stuck with me.

The CrankyMobile is still hostage in the Police Yard, but as soon as I find a key in the right ignition, I shall return.

So you’ve been warned; lock up the liquor and hide your kids! I’m outta jail!

Cranky the Clown


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