I BLAHG THEREFORE I AM

Posted: October 24, 2005 in Best of file 23

Originally Posted 10/24/2005
by Brian Roper

I’m watching the Beverly Hillbillies and getting paid for it; it’s great work if you can get it.

OCTOBER 24 2005-8:46 AM Hurricane Wilma is battering Florida right now; our ISP (based in guess-where) goes down everytime this happens. I’m sitting here waiting for the site to crash and watching the Beverly Hillbillies.

I got up pre-dawn, reported for duty at my job on-time like a good employee at 6AM and there’s no work.

My superviser greets me with a shrug and I hand him a vacation request slip for the 10 hours I was supposed to work and turn around and left. I’ve used all my vacation time this year not for something as selfish as a vacation, but for this very reason all year. My boss has macro-managed and over-staffed the company I work for until this is the end result.

Everytime I have five minutes worth of work, my boss puts an ad in the paper and hires “help” I didn’t need or ask for, just to make sure I don’t. A day later, me and my newly-hired “help” are standing around staring at each other.

Bush and Cheney have ruined the economy with this asinine Iraq war, and the morons who voted for them don’t want to admit it. A new depression is upon us, if you weren’t aware of it already. But thank God Bush and Cheneys’ stock options and other vested interests are safe. So I’m sitting here drinking coffee. Nothing to do and nowhere to go.

If I had half a brain, I’d be out looking for a real job, but with gas hovering between 2.50 and three bucks a gallon, I’m not going anywhere I don’t have to. I can’t think of anything to do or anywhere to go that doesn’t cost money. I’d go to the coffee house over by TCU and drool over the co-eds, but I can’t afford their $3 a cup coffee. I spent $15 precious dollars last night on a newly released CD, a 1957 Carnegie Hall Thelonious Monk/John Coltrane show. A reproduced flyer on the package shows the tickets were $2 to $4!

I’m not going to attempt to review this one in the usual sense, but I can’t tell you how this is the perfect music to listen to when I’m wound up tight as a spring, like right now. For true music-lovers, this disc is indescribably nirvana-like bliss. It’s impossible to be angry when I listen to this, and how many discs that are released by todays current batch of “artists” (ahem) can you say that about?

But even listening to this disc is like doing drugs; the bliss only lasts a few minutes and then it’s back down to earth.

And I’m pissed off here, I feel years of pent-up frustration boiling inside of me with a internal whirlpool-like fission swirling around within and no pressure-release valve in sight.

Am I going to explode, or collapse from within like a black hole?

I’ve been “on the wagon” for nearly fifteen years, and it’s only 9:30 in the morning, but I feel like getting totally “faced” right now.

Forty-seven years old and I feel as direction-less as I was when I was seventeen. My “job” is turning to shit; I may be facing unemployment in the very near future.

Everytime I drive to work I wonder if there’s going to be anything to do or if they’re just going to hand me a pink slip. Telling myself it’s not my fault doesn’t seem to help. I’ve been cutting every possible corner for the last ten years. Picking up aluminum cans like a homeless person, clipping coupons and living like a shut-in because I can’t afford shit after I pay rent and bills. No one should have to live like this; this is bullshit!

If I come off as angry or depressed it’s not without reason. I AM angry and depressed, dammit, and if I say anything otherwise, I’d be hard pressed to think of who I’m trying to fool besides myself. Yeah sure, things could be worse but they never really seem to get any better either.

Don’t ask me where I’m going with this; I don’t have a clue.

And if I’ve “bummed you out” reading this, welcome to the club!

BR

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