100 THINGS I LOVE by Brian Roper

Posted: July 7, 2005 in The Roper Files

It’s 4am in the morning (1): I jump out of my first new bed and mattress (2 & 3) I only have to endure my job four days a week and this is the first of my wonderful, glorious three days off (4)

Opening the back door, I see my five cats (5-9)faithfully awaiting breakfast.

After feeding them, I fix coffee (10) for myself (11) and turn on my new 27-inch Panasonic TV (12) and crank up the five speakers for my 100-watt JBLhome theater system (13) The I Love Lucy theme (14) swells and roars through the file 23 Central Command Post (15) Lucy, I’m home!

Sitting down in front of my new Compaq Computer (16) with that first cup of coffee (17) I check my e-mail; the usual bullshit spam but hey, I hit DELETE (18) and it’s gone (19) then I break the hypnotic eye and turn the computer off.

I rhumba through the apt. to the Desi Arnaz Orchestra music. I LOVE my days off (20) this is the very closest I come to loving life. MY SCHEDULE (21) MY RULES (22) No hurrying and rushing today (23) Everyone assumes I’m drunk or on drugs; “You look so happy today” the employees at the local grocery store, bakery,laundrymat, post office, gas station etc. always say to me. They don’t know the half of it.

Time for that second cup of coffee (24) and the second consecutive episode of I Love Lucy (25) I limbo through my apt. with the coffee to the third consecutive playing of the theme song. Oh good, it’s one of the episodes where they go to Hollywood (26) Looking down at me from my living room wall are the three 8 X 10’s I’ve taken of various drive-in theater screens (27-29) Then it’s through the hall past a framed lobby card of SUPERMAN AND THE MOLE MEN (30) a cheesy one-hour feature they Frankensteined from two half-hour tv episodes of the Superman show, and another 8 X10 picture I took of a bizarre sheet-metal light fixture at another drive-in. (31)

Then I enter the file 23 Library (32) and its’ two large bookcases full of books (33) On the walls are a large silkscreen of Ed Gein (34) a John Gacy portrait (print, not an original) of GG Allin (35) as well as a half-dozen 8 X10s autographed by the likes of Devo, Gunnar Hansen (the original Leatherface), Kitten Natividad, Lisa Loring (the original Wednesday Addams), Felix Cilla (Cousin Itt), Butch Patrick (Eddie Munster) (36-41) as well as a framed autographed postcard of Annie Sprinkle(42) and autographed albums by Wayne (MC5) Kramer (43) and Link Wray (44) and a poster autographed by all six members of the 1995 line-up of King Crimson (45) If you look a little harder, you can find a South Park(46) script autographed by Trey Parker and Matt Stone (47) as well as my Famous Monsters Of FilmLands(48) signed by Forry Ackerman (49) or my autographed Cramps CD (50) or my MAD(51) #8 signed by both Harvey Kurtzman AND William Gaines(52 & 53) or my Pink Flamingos poster signed by John Waters.(54)

I have signed books by HG Lewis (55) PJ O’Rourke (56) Henry Rollins (57) Rev. Ivan Stang (58) Jim Goad (59) Nikolas Schreck (60) George Barris (61) S Clay Wilson (62) Mack White (63) and Peter Bagge (64) and many more (65)

In one corner are my three guitars(66-68) and my matching twin Marshalls(69 & 70) and my GSP-5 effects processor. (71)

I’ve got autographed CDs (72) autographed DVDs (73) autographed 45’s (74) My bartender brother even got me a semi-readable autograph on a bar napkin from Rip Torn (75) who came into his place of employment one night.

I love my vinyl LP collection (76) Yeah, sure records are a thing of the past, but I can’t afford to replace each and every one with those expensive import CDs (77) I just got a used Charlie Parker LP(78) that yeah, sure, I admit clicks and pops at the beginning of each side, but I couldn’t care less. It doesn’t skip (79) and my cares, worries and hang-ups melt away everytime I put it on (80) like butter on a baked potato (81) (Ummm….baked potato…)

I love my vintage revolving comic book rack (82) full of vintage and current comics (83 & 84) I love my two boxes of comics (85) many of which are autographed by the artists (86) Besides the previously mentioned MAD #8 , I have a HUMBUG #1 autographed by Kurtzman, (87) a ZAP #0 signed by Robert Crumb (88) a Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers #1 signed by Gilbert Shelton (89) a SUBVERT #1 signed by Spain Rodriguez (90) a dozen PANICs signed by Al Feldstein (91) and several GROOs signed by Sergio Aragonez (92) and many more.

I love my CD collection (93) many of which are hopelessly out-of-print. I love my DVD collection (94) and my black leather jacket (95) and my new Vans (96) and my third cup of coffee (97) and the Duckman re-run (98) that’s starting up on Comedy Central (99) as I type this here for File23 (100)

Brian Roper


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